IT troubled me some years ago: They were an old couple next door, who had come to me, trying to sell their land, and with a little experience in having done the same some years back, I was able to help them fetch nearly thirty lakhs more. That was indeed a huge sum, and for many days, a few weeks and nearly a month, all I heard was their grateful thanks. And then they had to buy a house with the money and came back to me. “Please, “ I said, “I’m tired today, can you make it some other day!”
“We have to finalize today!” they said. “I don’t think I am in the right mind to help you negotiate,” I said, “Please understand!” They didn’t. I have no idea whether they finalized the flat or not but suddenly I was public enemy number one. It was a constant barrage of attacks after that. It puzzled me, till I realized that it had nothing to do with my refusal to help them the last time, but it was just because they couldn’t handle an obligation.
Many of us I’m sure have been in the same boat. Somebody helps us, we feel grateful at the beginning, we are so relieved a burden has been lifted, there is a sense of thankfulness and then we begin to get irritated. We look deeper into the aid that came across our way, and begin to think it was no big deal. “I’m sure I would have thought of a solution sooner or later!” we say to ourselves, “Why should I feel thankful?”
Sometimes we try to get out of it, by gifting the person with something. With that gift we think our obligation is over. “I gave him a present, so now we are even!” Let’s handle the issue head on: First of all there’s nothing wrong in feeling grateful to somebody. Most often that other person is quite happy he or she has done something for you, and does not expect anything in return which does not mean that you never forget the good deed. It means that instead of it being a burden it can become something of delight.
There are many to whom I am obligated for much they have done in my life, and it gives me great happiness to acknowledge and thank them in many different ways. One of the positive factors that happen when you do so is that that person continues being a help to others, whereas when you react negatively to him or her, you may stop the tap of goodness flowing.
So learn to handle your obligations, be thankful to those who’ve helped you, and finally be there for them if and whenever they look like they need help, because they may feel embarrassed to ask for yours..!
—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com
