WE were driving in Ireland, when I saw a car with a learner sign and was told the driver had to be a learner for two years before he or she was issued a licence to drive. India, I found had one of the largest numbers of road accidents in the world, so here’s my imaginary experience with a driving school:
The instructor at the driving school looked up from the road map he was trying to read. “Don’t worry sir,” he said, giving me a toothy grin, “License, isn’t a problem, we will get you a driving license within a week.” “Within a week,” I exclaimed, “I hardly know the inside of a car right now.”
“It doesn’t matter what you know or don’t know,” said the instructor patiently, “you will have the necessary certificate within seven days.” “What are the timings for my driving classes every day?” I asked. “We are not very particular,” said the instructor, “we know how much people are pressed for time, we are very understanding. If you can come for the classes well and good, if not, it doesn’t matter.” “But how can I get a license if I don’t attend your driving classes?” I asked quite confused.
“Ah,” said the instructor with a smile. “Our boss is very well connected, his second wife’s brother’s best friend works in the licensing office and for a small fee the work is done.” “I see,” I said without really seeing anything. “But if you have the time,” said the instructor moving a little closer towards me, “it would be good if you could attend our theory class.”
“Good!” I exclaimed, “I’m glad I will learn some aspects of driving at least.” “We will have an ex-traffic police inspector to lecture the class,” said the instructor quickly. “An ex-traffic police inspector,” I said, “Sounds very impressive.”
“His lectures are always jam packed,” said the instructor happily. “Last week he spoke on how to drive past a red light without being caught and the week before he spoke on the exact amount to pay a cop if ever caught, you see people have the tendency of either paying too much or too little.”ily. “You will benefit immensely from our driving school,” said the instructor, unfolding a bundle and showing a form in front of me. “Thank you,” I said, shoving the form back to him and trying to move away. “Where are you going?” shouted the instructor running after me. “Don’t you want a license for yourself?” “Yes I do,” I said, “but I want to learn how to drive.”
“How to drive?” asked the man in a whisper, hurriedly looking around in every direction and then quickly pushing me out. “Sir, please don’t scare the other students away, I think you have come to the wrong place..!”
—(bobsbanter@gmail.com)
