THERE I was in the bathroom, sometime back with a screwdriver in my hand and a pair of pliers getting the soap tray fixed. I worked hard and as I did, I wondered how my wife had managed to get me to do it. Most often, after she left for the hospital where she worked I generally forgot the little chores I was supposed to do around the house: “Bob,” she had said that morning, “Looks like our guests will know what they ate at our house even after they’ve returned to theirs, by just sniffing their hands!”
“Why?’ I asked, “Don’t we have soap to take off the smell?” “Yes, we do?” she said. “Then what’s the problem?” “It’ll be the first time they’ll try to hold the soap in their mouths as they wash their hands,” she said. We both laughed and a few hours later I was patiently getting the soap tray back.
We’ve all been there. We want to encourage a child to do her homework, or a spouse to complete a project, or a colleague to follow through. How can we encourage without criticizing, nagging, berating or pushing? Maybe because I’m the one that occasionally has to be nudged, I’ve learned a few important facts about the finer points of positive motivation.
First, whenever possible, try to keep it light-hearted: The careful use of humor can work in any relationship to make the point in a way it will be heard. Sometimes we are so frustrated we know that however we say it, it will be bound to come out wrong. These are especially the times when humour may be needed.
Second, without exception, be polite and respectful. Sometimes it’s more about how we say it than what we say. Too much of the world is run on the theory that you don’t need road manners if you drive a five-ton truck. No one wants to be forced, pushed, run over, cajoled or manipulated. They want to be respected.
Finally, as often as you can, show appreciation. There’s nobody in the world really who doesn’t respond to a dose of good appreciation. My late German Shepherd dog who lived with me and was one of the fiercest I had kept, became so happy when I told him, after he had done something well, “Good dog!” He loved it. And so does anyone.
These are a few of the finer points of positive motivation. And even if motivating is not your purpose, respect and appreciation, topped off with a little humour is bound to improve any relationship. Well, at least now my guests will go back not being forced to remember what I served them..!
—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com
